It´s Mother´s Day in Finland next Sunday. Husbands are already thinking how to make the mother´s of their children happy on that special day? What would make them happy? In other words, this is a day when many husband may be more sensitive for suggestions how to improve wellbeing of their spouses.
And who men listen? Other men of course! So let´s give a speech for a man and a husband.
Topic is: Why it is worthwhile for men to support wellbeing of their women!
Btw I noticed that this is a quite good post also for us women to read. The fact is that when our husband´s are feeling good, the better opportunity there is for a relationship to be good for us women also 😉
Guest post by Henri Pennanen
Smell of the homemade meat stew fills the air as you come home from work. Your wife smiles happily and greets you with a kiss. The kids are having a nap and you instantly start talking and laughing about this and that.
Sounds too good to be true? My spouse asked me to write this quest post about how wellbeing of a woman is connected to wellbeing of her man. What!? What do I know about that? I’m an ordinary man lacking all kinds of admirable properties. How can I be of any use for your readers? “Maybe they could show this to their men”, she answered. Ah, sneaky… I’m in! But not because I’d wanted to say how things are, but because I genuinely believe that there is a strong interconnection between spouses’ wellbeing.
So hear me out all the husbands of the world! I’m going to speak for thee! (But don’t take me too seriously though… 🙂
First let’s face a fact. We men do not understand women. Occasionally we might have a clue what they’re talking about but most of the time they’re just weird creatures from another world emitting signals out of our frequency. And as this happens quite often we kinda give up on them. Oh, women… we silently sigh and get back to our doings. In a long relationship this shortage of communication is being amplified if it happens repeatedly over a long period of time.
You just may not have the energy for working on your communication while having a full-time job, depths to pay and running all sorts of errands simultaneously. Let’s just drop it. Better to let it be we might think. But along the way it starts to wear us out. We get tired and lost a certain degree of appreciation towards our spouse as their speaking starts to resemble annoying yapping more and more. We too start to act more annoyingly or become numb. The distance between spouses grows longer and that’s not good for the relationship.
I think the best medice for this relationship numbness is kindness. We need to step up and start being nice. You might think this is difficult but it’s quite the opposite.
First of all, kindness doesn’t require understanding. Of course understanding gives a certain sincerity to our actions, but kind deeds do not depend on it. So we actually don’t have to understand our women. What a relief! Kindness is something that is really build into us. We can be friendly and make someone happy without understanding why. We just need to figure out some ways to do this.
Here are some ideas. Remember that the most important thing is to remember that you’re not doing this out of selfishness but to improve your relationship. First you may find it hard to actually do these things especially if you traditionally haven’t done this kind of stuff. You will be also welcomed with suspicious looks and pointy comments. You may feel that you’re only doing this because you have to. You may even feel that you’re loosing a part of your self-respect by being nice. But it shouldn’t turn into a power struggle. Unfortunately relationships tend to be like that sometimes. But we should try to be better than that.
Give a compliment
Women love compliments! Especially when it comes down how they look. “You look beautiful today. You have a nice smile.” Better yet if you can direct your compliment into a certain detail. “Hey! Nice earrings.” Women are very into details and noticing one makes your compliment perfect. It tells them that you appreciate their efforts to look nice. But remember that it has to come out naturally.
Do something for her
This could be as small as putting the coffee maker ready before you go to work. Opening her a door. Picking up a thing she accidentally dropped. Carrying her bag for her. Call me old fashioned, but I think it’s a gentleman’s duty to do these things.
Buy something for her
When you buy something for her it tells her that you’re thinking of her despite the hurries and worries you might have in your everyday life. It’s also a sign of warm feelings you have for her. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy though because you’re not trying to buy her appreciation but to make her happy. Do this during the weekdays to give it an extra kick. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT buy her cleaning equipment, axe or a wrench.
Buy her flowers
This is most classic method for making your woman happy and deserves a paragraph of its own. It really works! For some reason women like flowers. They appeal to their aesthetic eye and somehow to their deepest feelings. It must be something to do with biological evolution. Beats me but it works!
Give her some free time
Women need to have free time and fun too. It may be a girls night out dancing, a getaway trip or something as simple as going jogging while you’re looking after the kids. Let her do that. She gets rid of all the built in pressure and you get a happy woman back home.
Here are some things you shouldn’t do…
Don’t expect anything in return
This is a tough one since it’s a human habit to expect something in return. This is the very core of our society. It used to be furs we traded, now it’s favours. By clinging in the thought that you should be repaid for your actions, you’ll loose a huge piece of selflesness and kindness. Going around in a circle where every good deed has to be repaid does not lead anywhere.
Don’t rush it
Things that make your woman happy should not be over used. Remember that creating happiness takes time. Relationship is like a marathon. You get exhausted and quit if you rush it.
Don’t ever bring your kindness into the fights you may have
”Haven’t you seen what I’ve done for you you ungratefull b””?!” This is a sure way to throw all of your work down the toilet. It’s as easy as flipping a coin around. Kindness becomes selfishness in a blink of and eye.
Why do all this you might ask. I think it’s quite obvious.
1. What goes around comes around
Making your loved one happy makes her want to make you happy too. In a long run that makes everything easier.
2. You improve your communication
I’m sure as you continue doing good things you start to see happy smiles and hear content humming more and more often. That’s the kind of a reward that makes you smile too. Two smiling faces talk to each others in a very different way than two grumpy ones.
3. You cultivate your benevolence and altruism
We shouldn’t be kind out of must. I think it can feel like it first, but later on it can evolve into benevolence and altruism. We don’t make our woman happy just because we’re getting some benefits out of it but because it’s the right thing to do. Every benefit that it may produce is just a welcomed side effect. It will slowly make you a better person if you can strenghten these kind of good attributes in you. And for extra, you make your woman want to be a better person too.
4. You get a clean conscious
Being genuinely nice makes you feel better when you’re doing things for yourself. When you know that you’ve really been a good man it’s easier to enjoy “man stuff” like having a beer, going out with friends, do sports, etc. You can do all those things with more relaxed mind. You don’t constantly have to think when should you be back and what kind of a roaring monster is waiting for you at home.
5. Our actions define who we are
When brought into a broader context it’s also a matter how we want to define ourselves. Do we really want to be unhappy, angry and numb or are we aiming a bit higher? What kind of an example we want to be to others? To our children? These are the questions that we should sometimes think. But first let’s us start small. Let’s learn how to walk before we start running. And if we fail we won’t hurt ourselves that much.
